Friday, June 23, 2017

Big Bold Vision with a touch of makeup

Sacred Rebels Oracle 15 Big Bold Vision
Today’s card is “Big Bold Vision” from the Sacred Rebels Oracle. This card encourages us to dream big; to not hold back when you are visualizing the most amazing things for yourself. I mean look at all the winged creatures in this card; they fill her mind with the most wonderful ideas and fantasies. For most of us this hard because while growing up we were taught to have only responsible dreams and goals and leave our capacity to dream big and limitless behind with our dolls and crayons.  I mean who needs a mother of two, who dreams of being an explorer, an artist, a farmer or who secretly even dreamed of becoming a nun.  All those dreams are still hidden somewhere and this card prompts me to revisit them if only for old times’ sake and perhaps to add some new ones:
Today I will think about what I want out of life when anything is possible.

Another thing which stands out for me in this card is the amount of effort and self-love it must have taken her to look like this. She definitely knows how to dress to impress.  I got the distinct feeling she has taken all this time to make herself look this beautiful for anyone but herself. Because she is absolutely worth it to pamper herself and to look as gorgeous as she can be.
I don’t treat myself very kindly in this area. Often I tell myself I don’t have the time but it is more that I don’t see the point in doing it only for myself when I am cooked up at home all day. So for today, I took the effort to put on some lipstick and mascara; just for myself because I wanted to. And it feels good. It is such a minor thing but with a unexcited major effect

I believe all women are pretty without makeup and can be pretty powerful with the right makeup” Bobbi Brown

Tuesday, June 20, 2017

Relax the hold of darkness and be at cause

Sacred Rebels Oracle 26 Relax the hold of darkness and be at cause
My card for today is “Relax the hold of darkness and be at cause”  from the Sacred Rebels Oracle. We see a skyclad lady kneeling down on a huge tree stump. The forest is dark. She is all alone but she is completely convinced that this is the place she has to be because in her heart she knew to come here and wait. And while waiting she relaxes the darkness within her. Immediately the created vacuum wanted to be filled and a sparkling light surrounded her, lifting her up, illuminating every part of her being: body spirit and soul.  Moving from Fear to Love in a split second is in my belief a magical experience.
So what is “relaxing the darkness” and what does “darkness” mean in this context? In my opinion, darkness here stands for fear-based thinking which can result in doubt, procrastination, self-numbing, excessive worrying, overthinking etc: everything which keeps you from engaging with life and trusting Love.  The card is asking us to relax the hold this darkness has over us. Note: we are not asked to let go of it entirely, because the fear of not being able to, would be exactly what this darkness would like us to think. No, we are asked to relax and to breath and gradually we will open up,  ready to receive the energy we need to focus on what it is we really want and what is that would make us feel truly alive.

So for today I will relax my darkness and create that blissful emptiness, ready to be filled with loving and intuitive guidance. 

Thursday, June 15, 2017

Raidho and The Hanged Man – The journey within

My rune for today is Raidho (wheel), the rune of traveling and movement. The question I like to ask this rune is: "Where do I go from here?" and I pulled The Hanged Man. 
Raidho The Hanged Man Original Rider Waite tarot the Wild Unknown Tarot The Vision Quest Tarot
So physically I am going nowhere but that doesn’t mean I am not going on a journey. The Hanged Man tells us it is time to take a pause and reflect on what we need to hold on to and nurture and what we need to let go off. What is bringing deep fulfillment and is contributing to our purpose in life? What is helping us to step into our authentic power?  How can we respond to life with Love instead of reacting in fear? So many questions, so many things to ponder about. To find the answer to all of this we only need to quiet down and listen. This can be done during meditation, or while taking a walk or just sitting in our garden and let the beauty of nature sink in.
The Hanged Man of the Rider Waite Tarot shows us the effect of this inner journey. Just look at the halo around the man’s head. In the Wild Unknown Tarot we see how  by hanging upside down the bat keeps his head in the light too and in the Vision Quest Tarot the Hanged man is replaced by a Native American who is indeed going on a Vision Quest, an inner journey of self-discovery and spiritual growth

All the cards, however, show in their own special way that what is unconscious and hidden deep within needs to be brought into the light. Not to get rid of it but to truly own it and transform it from something we fear into something we are able to love. 

Tuesday, June 13, 2017

Dreamer Queen – beyond knowledge…..

Tarot of the Sidhe Dreamer Queen
Today’s card is Dreamer Queen, aka Queen of Swords, from the Tarot of Sidhe. The queen is sitting in a green field on a stack of books on the top of a mountain. This mountain is so high that the queen is seated above the clouds.  The knowledge she gains and judgment she provides won’t be clouded by any of her personal issues. The Sun is shining brightly to emphasize her bright mind and clear insights.
But the knowledge we find in books can only bring us so far. There always comes a time when we have to close the books and digest everything we have learned to make it our own.  The Queen in this depiction is conferring with a little bird which could represent her intuition since all the Queens of the deck are highly gifted with this trait, even our more distant and reserved Dreamer Queen. Look how focused she is on the soft tune the little birdie is singing to her. And gradually the knowledge she has found in her books will be integrated with what she already knew and spiced up by her profound wisdom.

“Knowledge without  wisdom is a load of books on the back of an ass” (Japanese proverb)

Monday, June 12, 2017

Maker King – The gift of Skill

Tarot of the Sidhe Maker King
Today’s Card is Maker King, aka King of Pentacles, from the Tarot of the Sidhe. In this card we see a male member of the Sidhe, bare-chested, standing behind his anvil. He is admiring his latest achievement: a golden crown, still hot from the blazing fires of his forge. What  I love about this king is that it is crystal clear he has earned this noble position not by birth or election but merely by mastering his skills. This is the kind of king I would like to get advice and guidance from. He has experienced everything his people have been going through or are still going through. Their ups and downs, their accomplishment and failures. He is a king of the people and for the people.
I wonder how the world would look like if all our leaders were a bit more like the Maker King. Perhaps we should make a kind of rule that every leader should live amongst his people (incognito) for at least year. Who knows what difference that would make. Maybe they would have more compassion and empathy for the people they are about to rule….?

“All he has he makes his own,
The carpenter of his own throne,
The smith who forges his own crown
And earns his status and renown. “

Thursday, June 8, 2017

Defeating The Devil with the Ace of Pentacles

Original Rider Waite Tarot The Devil Ace of Pentacles
Today’s card is The Devil from the Original Rider Waite Tarot. We see a horned beast sitting on a block of concrete. A man and a woman are loosely chained to this block. If they wanted to, they could free themselves but fear and insecurity have stifled them.
The Devil is that part of your mind that whispers that you can’t do it, that you aren’t worthy or good enough, that if you can't do it well you’d better not do it at all or that you are just too tired today to do anything at all.  All these limiting and oppressing thoughts will keep you from moving forward, from growing, from becoming who you are meant to be and simply from enjoying your life.
So what to do when The Devil pays you a visit and throws his chains over your head? The Ace of Pentacles encourages us to get up and do something: do the dishes, water the plants, gesso a page. Whatever comes to mind, however simple it may be, the first action after the initial thought will set you free from the Devils influence.

What could be your Ace of Pentacles today?

Tuesday, June 6, 2017

Seven of Swords - Putting it all together

After yesterday’s card, the Seven of Swords seems to invite us to really take a good look at what we believe to be true and to shed some light over contradicting idea’s. This card invites me to write about my spiritual beliefs and how I came to this personal blend of several belief systems.
As you all know I was raised Christian but never felt quite comfortable with the exclusive nature of Christianity. Although I loved God and Jesus, the dogma’s were putting me off immensely.  So starting in adolescence,  I have always been trying to fit in with other kinds of spiritual groups but up until today I have never found one. Buddhism, Wicca, Paganism, they all have beautiful and deep truths but somehow I missed the God of my Childhood and, honestly, there was always the fear of being totally wrong and the impending consequences.
My altar was a beautiful representation of my confusion and my swaying between different beliefs. One day I would have representations of Mary, Jesus and other Christian symbols on my altar but a month later it could have changed into a celebration of nature and the Divine Feminine. When I was totally confused I reduced it to a few crystals and a large white candle.
Then I picked up “Paganism” by River and Joyce Higginbotham which taught me that our idea’s of Divinity are something entirely different then Divinity itself. Words, ideas etc are only limiting our perception of God.
This helped me to overcome the fear to be wrong and after long deliberation, I took a leap of faith and I wholeheartedly embraced God as truly multifaceted. It was such a relief not having to puzzle the pieces together but experiencing how everything blends in seamlessly: my love for Jesus and Mary are in no way contradicting with my reverence for Mother Holda and the  Great Mother. One thing that l really love is that with Jesus, I have a male aspect of God to relate to which was very difficult for me when I was solely focusing on Paganism.
In this card we see the old man desperately trying to fit his seven swords in a structure he can work with. I am now positive he will succeed but only when he is willing to implement some room for mystery and awe because our spirit can take us places where our mind cannot enter.

Monday, June 5, 2017

Six of Swords - Mind Traveling

Druidcraft Tarot Six of Swords
Today’s card is the Six of Swords from the Druidcraft Tarot. Two persons are sitting in a little boat: a young woman, a man. The boatman is guiding his boat of the river. I wonder where it is they are going to. They do have still some issues to resolve because they have brought their Swords with them. Where ever you go, you cannot outrun your problems but you can put them aside for a while so you can find some peace of mind and crossing the river in a boat will prevent you from drowning in your worries or get too tangled up in them.

Nowadays for me, there is no place like home, so I don’t see myself traveling in the real world anytime soon. But I do like travel in my mind: reading books, watching movies, fantasize or just wandering my mind and see where this will lead me. There is so much to discover in the boundless world of our imagination. The only thing we need is a cozy spot and the willingness to be taken on a journey by your inner ferryman.

Friday, June 2, 2017

Six and Ten of Fire – Use you energy wisely

Two cards today: the Six and the Ten of Fire from the Dreams of Gaia Tarot. First I drew the Six of Fire which represents a truce after a conflict. This could be a disagreement with somebody else or, perhaps even more often, an internal conflict. For today and in light of the meaning of the Ten of Fire, I 've picked the last option.

We see two opponents in the Six of Fire, crossing their swords but with the tip pointed down. The mediator is raising his right index finger up as if he is going to speak his verdict over this argument. If they are going to abide by this ruling is going to depend on whether they both are willing to compromise and to listen to each other’s point a view. Yes, sometimes we have to call a halt to our inner combats. It is a loss of vital energy and our rational mind has to put a stop to this. When we can find some internal peace, then we can direct our energy to something more fulfilling like to the energy of the Ten of Fire. This is the card of “mastery of craft and of self”. This kind of mastery doesn’t come overnight. No, we have to apply ourselves diligently and passionately. This card doesn’t imply you have to become the very best but it does encourage us to do your very best. As long as we improve ourselves and our craft we are on the right track. And, let’s not forget to celebrate our achievements along the way. Yes, seeing this card, the quarrel in the Six of Fire seem ever so futile.

Ps I Love how the Dandelions bloom  thanks to the overflowing cup of the mediator 

Wednesday, May 31, 2017

Five of Water – Open your eyes and smile

Dreams of Gaia Tarot Five of Water
Today’s card is the Five of Water from the Dreams of Gaia Tarot.  We see a mermaid crouched on the bottom of the sea. Her head is bowed down, her eyes are closed and she looks very downhearted.  She doesn’t see the orange colored fish nor does she see the golden ring with a beautiful pearl hidden between the coral. From above radiant sparkly light is shining down on her. But she doesn’t notice this either, Why is she so said? What is troubling her? Grief, fear, worries, regret, guilt….? These are all emotions which paralyze us and/or block us from moving away from this place of anguish. They keep us from focusing on the beauty and abundance in our life which is still available for us. So little mermaid, open your eyes, put the ring on your finger and swim with the fish towards the light. I am sure this will put a smile on your face again
P.S. For me today this Light also represents the Divine which I come to see more and more as a source of Loving and Compassionate Energy which is always with me even if I don’t  realize this.

Tuesday, May 30, 2017

The Counsellor – Diving into deep water

Today’s card is The Counsellor from the Dreams of Gaia Tarot. This is the second time he has come up this week and I am not surprised at all. Lately, I have been pondering about the way I tend to read my tarot cards. I usually have a very quick and certain style of interpreting my cards. And if  I doubt myself (which is still quite regularly) I open up the guidebook and read what the “intended” meaning is for this card. Trusting the written word is often easier than trusting your own ideas
But I want more and I want to dive deeper. Perhaps this quick way of reading my cards is caused by fear of discovering a more personal meaning of a card.
And then The Counsellor arrives on my doorstep and he invites me to sit down and he asks me how I feel and then he is quiet and he waits... First, there is silence but then I start talking and talking and it almost seems as if I have opened up a bottomless pit. One subject leads to another, free associations are whirling through my mind. Everything goes, everything is okay no censor, no uncertainties, just talking and talking….
And I think that is the answer on how to read more intuitively: don’t be afraid of the initial silence and let your mind roam free. Just sit a while with your card and notice how it makes you feel, what stands out and how can you form sentences around these feelings and observations.
This way of reading not entirely new to me but it isn’t one I practice a lot. So the Counsellor is a welcome guide for this endeavor

Sunday, May 28, 2017

Child of Air - Keeping a “beginners mind”

Today’s card is the Child of Air from the Gaian Tarot. The Children (Pages) in this deck are all curious, wondering, playful, and they all have a “beginners mind”
The Child of Air is definitely in awe of the rabble of butterflies which is flying around her. One of the butterflies is even resting on her hand. Because of her calm and steady posture,  she is not at all startled by the fluttering of wings around her head. No, she is totally focused on that one big yellow butterfly sitting on her hand.
The Child of Air encourages us to be open-minded to all kinds of points of view and to soak up whatever information we can get our hands on. But, she also teaches us to stay alert and present so we will not drown ourselves in numerous redundant facts and loose perspective of what we wanted to accomplish the first place.

Affirmation . “I learn new things by keeping an open mind.”

Friday, May 26, 2017

New Moon in May

For this new moon, I have pulled one card from the Gaian Tarot as to what energy  I should embrace during this next cycle of the Moon and I got The Sun.
This card puts a big smile on my face. As you all know I haven't been feeling all too well as of late but now, when I am starting to feel a lot better this card is an affirmation to hold on to this positive change in my life. I don’t expect everything to go smoothly and within my control but I can try to focus on the things that make me happy and on what  I am grateful for. It is often not so much the reality which makes us happy, sad or anxious but the way we perceive this reality. This card encourages me to seek joy intentionally and if I can’t find it, it urges me to do something which makes me feel good: painting and drawing, walking and riding my bicycle, enjoying my garden, eating strawberries and chocolate and reading a good book or perhaps even buying a red dress. And yes, it's okay to spend time with myself because I am totally worth it!
I also love that when I feel good, others seem to feel better too. It seems that Joy and Happiness are as contagious as an ordinary cold
All in all, I am really looking forward to working with the energy of this card for the next four weeks.
Affirmation from the guidebook: I "choose to make a life that creates happiness for myself and for others.”

Wednesday, May 24, 2017

Seven of Water – Try them all

Today’s card is the Seven of Water from the Gaian Tarot. A man has been offered seven cups and he can choose only one to drink from. I wonder how he has made his decision. Did he take a whiff or maybe even a sip from each cup? Or is this considered cheating and do we have to be content with whatever we get. Hopefully, he has intuitively chosen the right cup, the right dream to follow through. The birds in the lake behind him don’t have to choose. They can have it all. Catch each and every fish they can get and swallow them if they taste good.

Today this card makes me feel a bit obstinate. I want to take a sip from every cup presented here. I want to try and taste them all. I want to know my options. Only then I can make a well-considered choice! 

Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Four of Cups - Snap out of it!

Rider Waite Tarot Four of Cups Rose Quartz Citrine
Today’s card is the Four of Cups from the Smith-Waite Centennial Tarot. This card is all about discontent, boredom and lack of interest in about everything. Look how he has closed himself off from all outside suggestions on how to feel better. If we are getting stuck in this energy it can easily lead to self-pity and even depression.

It has been quite a while since I really felt like blogging or in doing anything whatsoever and this card depicts this feeling perfectly well,. Yes, I have been very busy moving my husband to a temporary care home because the house where he was living before is getting a rebuild. This event was physical and emotional draining for me. It left me with little energy for myself and it eventually got the best of me. I know all too well this kind of thinking can easily become habitual and self-sustaining. I knew something had to change but it felt like I wasn’t able to do so. Until this morning, when M told me I had to become responsible for my own wellbeing and to be willing to do the things which would make me feel better. She can be quite persuasive when she feels it is necessary. So I got out of my chair, took a shower, went out for some groceries and started blogging. I feel like a different woman now. I have flipped a switch and I have snapped out of this funk.  Thank you, my dear girl, for a firm kick in the butt.

Wednesday, May 10, 2017

Nightingale - Trust

Nightingale Trust Het Elfenorakel
Walking in the park. Picking Bluebells and Buttercups. Feeling Summer in my heart and on my skin. This morning I have also meditated for 15 minutes which was a great accomplishment as well. All in all, today is starting out to be a good day. Al this has inspired me to pick up an oracle I’ve never used before, although I have it my collection for ages: Too light, too simple, too fluffy. But honestly I could use a dose of light and fluff. So I shuffled my cards and I pulled Nightingale – trust: My word for the year and a confirmation that all things will be well.  After each night the sun will come out inevitably so why not sing to instead of fight with the darkness.  All these smalls tokens of hope and trust, like my walk, my mediation, creating an art journal page, enjoying coffee with a bonbon and last but not least, writing this blog post after so long; all these things  are bright shining stars guiding me on my journey and ensuring me that wherever I am, I am never lost.

Oracle used: "The Cards of the Elves" by Tiziana Mattera

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

Waterfall and Calendar - Tick tock, tick tock…

Today’s cards are Waterfall and Calendar from The Chronicles of Destiny Fortune Cards. 
Chronicles of Destiny Fortune Cards Waterfall Calendar

In our present society we are mostly ruled by the clock and our calendar. We make appointments and try to keep them. We implement routines and schedule our obligations until little white space is left on our to-do lists and in our diaries. This habit makes it even more important to plan some time for ourselves.  And not just ten minutes or  a spare hour somewhere between the dentist and  a meeting but I was thinking more about an evening, an entire day or a weekend; enough time to be able to just flow with the hours instead of keeping track of them on your watch. Together these cards emphasize the important of replenishing your soul on a deep level; to let ourselves be revitalized and healed thoroughly. Take enough time for yourself . You are so worth it. The Calendar card reminds us there is a big difference between a morning shower and a bath by candlelight.

Monday, April 17, 2017

Expressing Gratitude with the Wild Unknown Tarot

Today’s question: “what am I most grateful for?”  got me thinking about how,  when we express our gratitude, we often talk/write about the same daily experiences like: A sunny day, a cup of coffee, cuddling with our furry friends  or looking at the flowers in our garden. Reading in my gratitude journal, I notice how I tend to repeat the same things and over again. And yes, I am truly grateful for them but this question filled me with the desire to stretch my perceptive a little and maybe look a bit more inwardly. So I asked the tarot to show me three aspects in my life for which I am grateful: three joy’s which are sometimes a bit out of reach of my day to day experience. From the Wild Unknown Tarot I  pulled:
The wild unknown tarot The Moon Four of Swords Four of Wands

The Moon: I am grateful or each time I am brave enough to face my fears and do it anyway. The last few days  I have been making abstract art journal pages  and each time it became too “pretty” I used gesso to “mess it up “ again
Four of Swords:  I am grateful for each moment of peace and quiet in a day. They give me a sense of security and also trust that I can return to this place whenever I need it.
Four of Wands: I am grateful for the pauses in life which are meant to celebrate what I have achieved. Resting in the blue center  of gratitude before  being ignited by the fiery passion of the wands again

Thursday, April 13, 2017

Four of Swords – Quiet down our Inner Critic

Original Rider Waite Tarot Four of Swords
Today’s question is: "How can I let go of self doubt?" and I pulled the Four of Swords. As you know this is one of my “sigh” cards; my permission to let go and quiet down the mind from anxiety and those nagging critical inner voices.  After having completed my oracle challenge on IG, I am experiencing waves of self doubt again. Afraid of putting something on the page which is less “pretty“ than my DIY deck.  Even in my art journal, where I try to play more freely and experiment with my art supplies, I feel the urge to create something “beautiful” and with “beautiful” I mean worthy to show other people. This feeling  has made it crystal clear to me  my that  Inner Critic is holding the reins (again)
So this morning I decided to take up my habit of writing 750 Words a day, before doing anything else. This is the digital equivalent of writing morning pages. For me it is a perfect way to clear my mind and to get those creative juices flowing again. This way I will be able to create room to relax and to do whatever fills me with joy, without any result oriented expectations. This  could be just as simple as allowing myself to take a nap, a walk or perhaps filling up a (new) page in my art  journal just for the fun of it. And no, I am not obliged to finish the last page and make it more “pretty”. Maybe it is even better to fill up some loose leave pages first. Just putting a few collage elements, some paint and some scribbles on them to overcome my fear and to loosen up a bit. The only rule is to keep it abstract!
All and all a very timely question for me today.

Tuesday, April 11, 2017

Full Moon in April

For this full moon I have pulled three cards from my Original Rider Waite Tarot. Even though I have so many other beautiful decks, I seem to be in totally love with this deck all over again. Of course it has been my one of my favorite tarot decks all along but nowadays I read with no other deck than this one. Maybe it is only a springtime infatuation but I will enjoy it while it lasts.
Original Rider Waite Tarot Two of Wands Queen of Wands Nine of Pentacles
I have asked my deck three questions:
What is crystal clear? Two of Wands – It is time to pick a Wand, to make a choice. Don’t feel pressured to go for the easy option. The options are many. The world is in the palm of our hands. So maybe it is also time to leave my comfort zone.
What am I grateful for? Queen of Wands – although it doesn’t  always show, I know that beneath my fear of failure and my insecurity lives a passionate and creative woman who is eager to get up from her throne and is ready for some action.
What do I need to let go of when the moon starts to wane? Nine of Pentacles – This is one of my favorite cards in the deck. And just like with The Hermit, I am too much attached to this secluded inward energy. But  there is no need to break down the wall. Perhaps I will look for the gate of her garden so I can (again) leave my comfort zone. I noticed she is looking to her bird instead of to the city in the back ground. And her bird doesn’t bring her much new from the outside world either because he is blindfolded.

Together the cards all seem to convey one clear message: leave you comfort zone and live a little! Easier said than done but the fact I read it in these cards is promising. I don’t have to jump from the castle tower. I can take also the stairs J

Monday, April 10, 2017

Ten of Swords - It can’t get any worse than this.

Today”s question from Willowseast to draw a card with is: "How can I move forward when I feel stuck?" 
I pulled the Ten of Swords from the Original Rider Waite Tarot. It can’t get anymore stuck than this. The figure in this card is pinned down by ten swords and he isn’t likely to go anywhere soon. Since Swords are all about the mind, we can be certain this guy is overwhelmed by his self defeating thoughts and a tremendous amount of anxiety. Nothing is more paralyzing than anxious thoughts racing around in our mind. But the end of his suffering is near. Because he has turned his head towards rising the morning sun in the east: The promise of new day. We don’t have to try to pull these swords out, for  that is literally impossible. By our twisting and turning they would only sink deeper and hurt us more. No the solution is so simple. Focus your mind on the rising sun and the swords will disappear. Breath in and out and then slowly get up and start walking. With every step your wounds will heal and with every breath you will ease you mind a bit more...

Friday, April 7, 2017

King of Pentacles – He makes my soul happy

Today’s card is the King of Pentacles from the Original Rider Waite tarot. He stopped by to answer the question from Willows East for today: What is one thing that makes my soul truly happy?
I didn’t expect him at all. I had hoped for a more spiritual card but  he,…”the cards are never wrong”
Honestly I do enjoy my stuff and lots of other gifts the physical world has to offer me. I like my books, my deck, my home, good food and lots of coffee with chocolate on the side. Also the older I get the more kingly behavior I display; f.i. I’d rather enjoy my meals then have to cook then myself J
Another thing I seem  to appreciate more lately is my health and having time for myself.  I see both as a positive side effect of old age. Even though my physical health and flexibility is slowly declining I appreciate the things I still can do so much more than I used to and that encourages me to exercise and walk regularly.
Time for myself is one the greatest gifts. It almost feels like the more time I have the more I need. When I write this down, I suddenly wonder if it is possible that having spare time can become so addictive that we always need more…? 
Anyway these musings about the King of Pentacles have made it clear to me that his energy indeed makes my soul  happy.

Thursday, April 6, 2017

The Hermit - Shine your light over me

Original Rider Waite Tarot The HermitThere is this wonderful website, “Willows East”  created by Gretchen Pearl with a section called “First light”.
Each morning you can find there a question to use for your daily draw. This morning the question is: “what is one change I can make in my daily life?” And I got….. (drumroll)….. The Hermit from the Original Rider Waite Tarot! It always makes me so happy when he comes up. He has such a warm and kind energy and as you all know I find it very easy,  maybe sometimes too easy, to relate to this archetype.
He is all about taking time for  ourselves and  turning inward. And that is something entirely different than playing games on my tablet. Checking IG for new pictures, surfing the internet etc. No, the lantern of this Hermit is absolutely not a symbol for tablets and smart phones, how tempting it might be to think so. The Hermit asks us to really be with ourselves without any distractions. This can be difficult because often when we are silent and all alone, our inner voices begin to whisper things we rather not  hear. The Hermit asks  us to sit with what is and whatever comes up and to shine our gentle light of compassion over it.

Tuesday, April 4, 2017

A Few of My Favorite Things Spread

Yesterday I found a lovely tarot spread on IG, created by Magpietarot and it's called: A few of my favorite things spread". I thought it would be fun to try it out here and I chose the Crystal Visions Tarot to do this. You have to separate the Minor Arcana into suits. Than shuffle your little stacks and pull one card from each suit to answer the questions below. I also pulled one card from the Majors because I didn’t want them to feel left out.
From the Wands: Where does my confidence shine?  Eight of Wands – Wnen I am on a roll and everything is going my way.  I don’t mind doing a lot as long as all the horses are running in the same direction. Then I feel like I am the queen of the world
From the Cups: What brings me joy? Queen of Cups.  Very simple but not so easy: To love and be loved and feel connected to  God(dess)
From the Swords: Where do I feel wise? Four of Swords – Haha, that is a good one! When I take a time out when I need it and not when it is already long overdue.
From the Pentacles: What makes me feel safe & secure? Eight of Pentacles – When I do the work and stay in the moment. Whether it is painting a picture or doing the dishes. 
From the Majors: Which underlying energy will make it all possible? The Hanged Man. To let go of all ideas about what I think I should do and try to live more in the here and now, where I might see things from a fresh point a view.

Saturday, April 1, 2017

Year Ahead Spread April – Jera and The Devil

My rune for April is Jera (harvest,year), which is the rune for cycles, the turning of the wheel, slow and steady development and karma.
 “What you sow you will reap” is a very fitting phrase for this rune.
So far it is looking quite promising but the card I pulled for this month seems much more challenging: The Devil from the Wild Unknown Tarot. For me the Devil has a  broad range of meanings. From honoring our sensuality and enjoying the physical  part of our life to serious cravings, addictions and obsessions. As most human beings,  I move between those two and encounter every other aspect of The Devil in in between.  For me he is not always “bad” or “sinful” but he is a seducer and it is often very tempting to  indulge ourselves
So how do these two fit together? Maybe The Devil will shake up the harmonious slow energy of the Jera a bit but Jera will keep me accountable  for every “slip” I make, how enjoyable it might have been.  Perhaps Jera  will also encourage me to pause before I give in and let me asses if it is really worth it. How often do we want to experience something very pleasurable only to regret it afterwards: eating that second piece of cake, buying the best deck ever, binch watching TV series etc. Jera  ask us to consider, before taking action, if we should indulge or restrain. And mind you this is not the same as living with a big “NO NO” in our mind. It tells us to be cautious but also to live a little. And Oh, if you think you have outwitted the Devil this time, Jera will make sure he is just a around the corner to try to tempt you again when you are expecting him the least
Of course I don’t now how this month will turn out but it feels like a interesting and probable exciting pair to work with.

Wednesday, March 29, 2017

King of Swords - He is not so bad after all

Original Rider Waite King of SwordsI really felt like blogging this morning so I picked up my trusted Original Rider Waite and pulled …oh no, not him… The King of Swords. My earlier enthusiasm dropped in an instant. What to do now? Pick another card? Chose another deck? Often when resistance towards a card is so strong it says more about us then about the card itself.
So what feeling is he stirring within me when he looks at me with piercing eyes, while sitting on this throne, holding his sword firmly in his hand?
The strict teacher, always being judged, never being good enough, a warning finger, criticism, he sometimes feels like a nightmare version of Santa.
Just yesterday I thought that a gentle reminder list could be more efficient for me than a todo list with boxes to tick off. But today it almost feels like he doesn’t  agree with this at all. But then I realized this king is a part of my personality: My inner critical Ellen. Always on the lookout to find something I messed up or failed to do.
Luckily like all tarot cards this King has also positive traits, So for today I am going to list as many as I can think of or find in my reference books:
The first few: Quick decision making, committed,  abiding by self imposed rules, has his way with words, writer, diplomatic, problem solver, unbiased,  ethical….. etc etc etc
Perhaps I was too quick to judge (neg. king again) and maybe he is not such a bad guy after all

Tuesday, March 28, 2017

New Moon in March

Dreams of Gaia Tarot Seven of Earth Ravynne Phelan
For this new moon I wanted to pull one card from the Dreams of Gaia Tarot as to what energy  I should embrace during the time until the Full Moon in April. Instead this one jumped right into my face while shuffling and when I turned  it over I knew it was the perfect card for me: The Seven of Earth. Some of its keywords are grounding, meditation and connection.
In this card we see a meditating figure who chakras a perfectly balanced.  He is one with himself,  the physical world around him and the all permeating spiritual realm. Yes he even fully understands that all these aspects of being spring from the same source  and are all equally important. 
Painting my oracle deck has brought me a great deal of healing but now I want to take it up a notch and take up things I feel less comfortable with.
So for the coming time I want to focus on doing things outside and also pick up my meditation practice (again). This morning I’ve combined the two and meditated in my garden. It is some getting used to because while I meditated other people were talking loudly and someone was working with a sander.
Also I want to go out for walks more regularly again. I know it will bring me peace  and calm but just like meditating I tend to “forget” it too often. Sometimes I think I suffer from spiritual amnsesia J

So lots of ideas and to tackle my forgetfulness I am going to list them  in my planner. Mind you, it won’t be a “todo” list but a gentle “remind” me list of options

Friday, March 24, 2017

The Singer of healing – Start Hummmmmming

Faeries' Oracle The Singer of HealingToday’s card is The Singer of Healing from The Faeries’ Oracle.  This card is all about healing of body mind and spirit. Much like a holistic healer this singer sings his song over every part of our being, to heal our injuries and restore our balance. But before he can sing for us we have to accept there is something amiss.  The next step is to be willing to receive healing. To open ourselves up; to ask for help. Perhaps this is the most difficult part of a healing process; admitting we need help.
Sometimes we aren’t even aware we do need help. We have become so proficient in hiding, denying or numbing our pain to a point that we have become unaware that there is something wrong .
I have discovered that accepting I need healing  in an early stage of my affliction is definitely speeding things up  for the better. I am more susceptible for advice and suggestions on how to move forward and away from my feelings of depression.

This time around I have been (at first reluctantly)participating in an IG challenge to create your own oracle deck. by Kristen from @otmoraclecards
It was  a bit scary because I hadn’t painted in months. Then it became almost addictive and I painted several cards a day. Now things are settling down again and I feel  so much more confident and less downhearted.  Again, I had to make the decision get better, to start painting  but after that The Singer of Healing started to hummmmm….


Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Indi – But, what if……?

Faeries' Oracle Indi
Today’s card is Indi from the Faeries’ Oracle. This fearie is finding it very difficult to make up his mind, to choose and to commit.  His mind races back and forth, from left to right and up and down, gathering every “what if’” he can find. When you look at this card, you can only feel sorry for him, because he isn’t going anywhere. He is afraid of making the right choice,of making a mistake and it is making him question his own self worth over and over again.
One thing I have learned over the years is, if you don’t make a decision by yourself, someone or some situation is bound to make it for you.  The only way to avoid becoming a victim of circumstances is to take matters into your own hand. Is this difficult for me? Oh, yeah! But I know how it feels otherwise.   

So for today Indi will remind me to make my own decisions; probable about the little things in life like what to do, to eat, to say…  Yes,even making these minor, more insignificant decisions will definitely add to our own sense of self confidence. And for the major ones? We always can reach out for help but in the end we are responsible for our every decision we make.

Monday, March 20, 2017

The Sage - Pay a visit to your inner Wise One

The Faeries' Oracle The SageToday’s card is The Sage from the Faeries’ Oracle by Brian Froud. He is the Wise One from this deck. The hermit, the teacher, the shaman. And he is also old; very old. He is painted with the colors of the many seasons he has witnessed. And from every experience he has been through, he has absorbed  a spark of insight.  He has one blind eye which allows him to see into the other worlds and to turn a blind eye towards mistakes and failures. Those are better met with compassion than with harsh judgment.
I usually look for this kind of wisdom in all kinds of books and online articles about religion, philosophy etc. but today it seems The  Sage is asking me to turn inwards and look for wisdom there.  I have seen many seasons too, but I don’t  consider myself as wise. Maybe a tad wiser than before, but Wise with a capital W no, not nearly.

Maybe it is time to turn a blind eye to my fearful insecurity and stop  berating myself and expecting too much of myself. Yes, maybe it is time to embrace the silent Witness within and sit and chat with her for a while.  Perhaps, when I give her space and time, she has more to share than I give her credit for…..

Friday, March 17, 2017

Five of Earth - When the rain comes

Gaian Tarot Five of Earth
Today’s card is the Five of Earth from the Gaian Tarot. In this card we see someone taking shelter under a makeshift  little hut made from whatever the forest provided at the time.
Although I am feeling better and Spring has arrived over here, it is still raining inside me from time to time. This card highlights our ability to survive whenever storm  blows in; accompanied by heavy rainfall. Then we have to make do with what we have and what we are capable of.
The  little shelter in the card represents the times when I have been able to lift up my spirit and to chase away the dark clouds. This could have been as easy as taking a little stroll, painting intuitively with watercolors, watching series etc. Just as with making this shelter, it doesn’t matter what you use or how you do, it as long as it is fit for purpose.
Several years of therapy have equipped me with some really helpful tools and insights for whenever the weather might change. Although I still suffer from depressions, I am grateful that lately it is not as scary and dark anymore as it used to be. 

Tuesday, March 14, 2017

Child of Earth – Every apple tastes differently

Gaian Tarot Child of Earth
Today’s card is Child of Earth from the Gaian Tarot. The child is holding an apple in his hand. He is looking at it, he is smelling it, it is making his mouth water.  Almost all his senses but one, are  satisfied. “Taste me”, the apple seems to insist. “Take a bite. You know you want it”
The apple has always been an alluring fruit. Perhaps because it holds the mystery of the universe in its core.
Since the child is curious and eager to experience something new, we can almost be certain he will take that bite in the end. With this attitude he will remain open and flexible towards his environment. He will learn new things and will be able to adjust his opinion about the things he thought he knew for sure.
Questions:
What can I learn today? How can I shift my attitude from narrowness to openness. How can I stay young and playful at heart?
It doesn’t have to be complicated like learning a new language. No, it can be as simple as taking an other route for your walk,  buying a different loaf of bread or even wearing something other than what you always wear.

I am curious what you would do to take  a childlike approach today…..

Saturday, March 11, 2017

Guardian of Water - Rest in my embrace

After having been mothering my mother for a couple of days because she isn’t feeling all too well, the Guardian of Water from the Gaian Tarot is a very welcome card to receive for this weekend. When our mothers aren’t capable of mothering anymore, it is up to us to find an other source of this energy to replenish our Inner Child’s cup from time to time. Today this Guardian invites me to join her in the water, to rest in her soft motherly embrace. She nurtures us with compassion, love and intuitive knowing. Her siren song to unburden our sorrows and anxieties is alluring. It is so easy to confide in her because she always forgives our wrongdoings and unkind thoughts.
God(dess) knows I need this today. I had lots of plan for when I got home again but that was a bit too optimistic. This weekend is for  rest and self-care which involves writing this post, reading, meditating, walking, drinking coffee, …. Oh no, that sound like making plans again. This weekend I am going to try to take it moment by moment and really trying to listen to what I need right here and now.

I hope you all will have a wonderful weekend too!

Tuesday, March 7, 2017

Queen of Wands - To Life!

Tarot of the Hidden Realm Queen of Wands
This morning I got up a bit earlier than usual with the intention to meditate, draw a tarot card and journal about it. I even lit a candle for the occasion. And what a wonderful way to start the day it was. I wonder if I will be able to remember this until tomorrow morning. Just kidding! Since I am not a long distant runner and terrible with challenges, I will try to do this morning “routine”  for a week from today and I promise myself not to beat myself up if I skip a day.
My card for today is the Queen of wands from the Tarot of the Hidden Realm. Look at her cheeky smile as if she is saying: “I told you so, everything will be okay. Even if you don’t feel my warmth and my fiery energy for a while, it doesn’t mean I have abandoned you. I am always on your side. Together we can accomplish anything, even a a nagging and paralyzing depression. So smile my dearest, take a walk, create, dance, write, cook, anything will do as long as you do something, even if it  seems you are only pretending. Action is the way of out of sadness. So go for it girl and life!"
Somehow the cards in this deck are so talkative. I used to find them very hard to read with but nowadays they word so perfectly what I need to hear.

Sunday, March 5, 2017

Six of Wands – Ignite your fire

Tarot of the Hidden Realm Six of WandsToday’s card is the Six of Wands from the Tarot of The Hidden Realm. Traditionally this is the card of victory and success. Although this card often relates to experiencing a successful completion of a project, today I feel it is more about an internal victory. Sometimes, often without knowing, we lock ourselves in a mental stronghold, which seems impossible to break out of. The only tools to escape we have left are our inner resources, how scarce they may be. When the day comes we begin to feel restricted and imprisoned instead of safe and protected, we will have to ignite a tiny spark of courage inside us and feed it with brave and fiery kindle. It is okay to be afraid, this is in no means a sign of cowardice. Still your mind and nurture your flame so it will grow stronger with each breath you take. This fire inside you will forge the key to freedom. Nothing will be able to hold you back when you tap in to this fire.
And as we can see in this card, fire attracts fire(flies). So our inner fire will keep feeding itself with everything we do and with whatever makes us happy!
“Courage isn’t a lack of fear, it’s being afraid and doing something anyway” (guidebook).

Wednesday, March 1, 2017

Year Ahead Spread March - Ehwaz and Daughter of Pentacles

Wild Unknown Tarot Runes Daughter of Pentacles Ehwaz
My Rune for March is Ehwaz (horse), which is a rune of fast movement and rapid progress. It encourages us to have confidence, to broaden our horizons and to be open to new elements in our life. The tarot card for this month is the Daughter of Pentacles from the Wild Unknown Tarot. This is a more gentle and cautious energy than Ehwaz. Imagine a horse running wild, mane waving in the wind, trampling the soil beneath his feet, foaming at the  mouth  from excitement: such a difference from the gentle fawn  in the Daughter of Pentacles.
I feel like the Daughter of Pentacles will help me to rein the sometimes unbridled energy of Ehwaz. We all know that feeling when the winds are changing, the earth is quickening and Spring is just around the corner. We seem to be able to tap into an unlimited source of energy but, yes there is always a but, for me this is a very familiar pitfall: Spending too much energy at once which will leave me depleted afterwards.

I am looking forward to the abundant energy of Ehwaz this month but I am also grateful for the prudence and sensibility of The Daughter of Pentacles. She will encourage me to slow down when needed and she also will show me how to seek out the most delicious herb and grasses between the weeds. That ways I can preserve my energy and also enjoy life to the fullest.

Tuesday, February 28, 2017

Page of Bows – Stoat: Jump!

Wilwood Tarot Page of Bows Stoat
Today’s card is the Page of Bows –Stoat from the Wildwood tarot. A perfect card to lift up my spirit after yesterday’s post. This card is the equivalent of the Page of Wands from the RWS deck. Its youthful playful energy includes a.o: creativity, willfulness, impulsiveness and curiosity and since this animal is a predator, I would like to add fierceness as well.
Look at him standing on his rock, one paw lifted, ears pricked up, and the point of his tail is slightly curved. His whole demeanor radiates excitement before action. Maybe that's what this Page is all about for today:  To find something which excites me, makes me curious and then jump in fearlessly. Just do it and make the best of it. I can’t imagine a stoat refusing to jump of his rock because he is afraid to hurt his paw. He just jumps because he know he has to and he deals with the consequences in the next moment. No, I don’t suggest we should live recklessly but a little less planning and thinking ahead might result in a lot more fun and enjoyment. The fear of making mistakes is more than often depriving us of joyful living

So for today I say to myself: let’s jump of that rock and finish my latest art journal page. Whether or not I am content with the final result, I am sure I will enjoy myself a lot while playing with my art supplies! 

Monday, February 27, 2017

New Moon in February

Wildwood Tarot Seven of Vessels Mourning
For this new moon I’ve pulled  one card from the Wildwood Tarot as to what  energy  I should embrace  during the time until the Full Moon in March. I got the Seven of Vessels – Mourning. Perhaps you can imagine my initial reaction to this card. My first thoughts were: how could this be a focal point right now, when I am so trying to find some emotional balance again? But then I knew: We are often talking about releasing and letting go to make room for the new but we tend to forget the work we have to do prior of letting go. Mourning is hard work and calls for a great deal of effort and endurance. It is only through mourning we can become soft and fluid again because when we hold on to grief, often without knowing, we tighten, both mentally and physically. We hold on to our sadness, our loss, in our stomach, our muscles and we bury it deep in the shadow of our soul. This way it can fester and eventually make us depressed. We can’t escape mourning so we’d better get to it.
Usually we are better at mourning our greater losses, the ones we can’t hide away: the death of loved ones, losing a great love etc. We often mourn these losses in the circle of our family and friends. But this card also encourage us to look at the smaller losses, the seemingly insignificant ones.
What immediately came to mind, when I saw this card is how I never have acknowledged my sadness over the loss of my ability to play the piano. I have had piano lessons for more than seven years and it gave me such joy to play this instrument. But due to my nerve damage in my hand I won’t  be able play again. It hurts too much.  Just as we have to be grateful for achieving “small victories” I believe it can be very healing to recognize what we have lost along the way and to say our goodbyes; perhaps with a little ritual, while being grateful for the good memories which we will always keep close to our heart.  
“This will allow our emotions to flow again; to rise and fall naturally and  bring a sense of closure, completion and peace” (guidebook)

Saturday, February 25, 2017

Berkano and Four of Vessels - Get up and get going!

Wildwood Tarot Four of Vessels Runes Berkano
Today´s rune is Berkano (Birch). It is the rune of creative energie and the femine principle: The Empress of the Elder Futhark. The challenge of Berkano is to take care better of ourselves and to try to improve our  well-being; not only physically but also emotionally. Besides being a strong nurturing energy, Berkano also encourages us to give birth to our creative ideas. We can only gestate them for so long before they wither and die within us, which will cause us maybe more pain than the birthing process itself.
So what energy will help me to embrace the spirit of Berkano today? From the Wildwood Tarot I pulled: Four of Vessels- Boredom. Well this is a crystal clear advice. The only thing I have to do is to get up and to leave this energy devouring state of inactivity. 
While the traditional Four of Cups sometimes might be interpreted as meditation, nobody will belief this applies to the woman in the Four of Vessels. She obviously feels disconnected, stuck, sorry for herself, and she has created a black hole of despair inside of her. But holes can be filled,  if we only let the energy flow again. The only one who can begin this process is us. We have to ignite  that first spark. We have the key to open doors to new opportunities. So let’s get up,  turn around and step through the portal behind us. It may be scary but we already have everything we need to take this next step in our journey.

NB Perhaps this portal connects to the one from in the Yew tree of my previous post?

Thursday, February 23, 2017

Eihwaz and The Knight of Bows

Wildwood Tarot Knight of Bows Runes Eihwaz
Today’s rune is Eihwaz (Yew). The Yew tree is an evergreen and will easily reach 600 years of age or more. It is a tree which often splits under the weight of advanced growth without succumbing to disease . It is easy to imagine that such a split could be a portal to the spirit realm. Eihwaz  is the rune of death and transformation, of standing at the crossroads.  I can relate to this rune very easily. Something has to change in order to move forward. Old victim stories, which are repeated over and over again, should be retold as heroic tales of overcoming great adversity. Letting go of old limiting thought patterns will make room for new ways of understanding.
So which energy will help me to bring about some change  in my life and I pulled the Knight of Bows from the Wildwood Tarot. The Knight of Wands in general  has a tendency to come up whenever I expect him the least. He is often a bit “too much in my face” when I am feeling down but he is also the one who gets his way with a nudge,  a smile and a motivating line. “Come on”, he says, “let’s make some fun! Don’t be such a party pooper and go on an adventure with me. I know the best places to go to.”
His charms are alluring and I can imagine myself wandering into the forest with him, without being afraid to go astray because he is walking right beside me. I am Feeling fearless and curious, enjoying each moment with an open mind, taking in the fragrant wisdom of the Wildwood, while putting my faith and trust in my red furred companion.

Tuesday, February 21, 2017

Sowilo and Six of Wands – Be mindful of every victory you achieve

Anna K Tarot Six of Rods Runes Sowilo
Today’s rune is Sowilo (Sun). This is the rune of success, vitality, self-actualization and positive energy. A very welcome reminder for me to get out of my comfy chair and do something, anything, to get out of the slump in which I am finding myself lately. I am the only one who can take back the wheel and start the ignition to continue my journey. I know how it works; I have been in a situation like this more than I care for but somehow when I am stuck in a rut, I seem to have forgotten how to climb out of it.
So I asked what could help me to achieve this and I got the Six of Wands from the  Anna K Tarot. Not my most favorite depiction of the this card but it will do for today! I feel this card has come up to remind me that it is not about the final big victory, the “I am feeling and victorious every day of my life now”. No, today this card reminds me of the smaller, seemingly insignificant victories. When you are feeling depressed this could be as simple as getting out of bed, brushing your teeth, taking a stroll, reading a few pages in a novel, making dinner etc. These are some of the most basic activities of  our life but some days, we may count them among our victories and celebrate them and  be grateful we have achieved them; again.
So today I am going to be mindful of my achievements, how small  they may be and celebrate each and every one of them with a feeling  of joyful satisfaction.

Thursday, February 16, 2017

Uruz and Nine of Swords – About an Ox and a Demon

Anna K Tarot Nine of Swords Runes Uruz
Today’s rune is Uruz, (Aurochs, the European wild Ox) the rune of strength, courage and endurance. I must be using up  a lot of my strength, because I feel rather tired lately.  So I asked The Anna K tarot what it is that sucks up my energy so easily and I got  the Nine of Swords. It can’t get any more clear than this. I think mental fatigue is a form of exhaustion which is hard to replenish and a good night sleep (which in this case is hard to come by) is often not enough. We all know how tired we can be after a day's’ work in the garden but we also know the deep fulfillment we feel when the is job is done. Yes, maybe some aching muscles will remind us of our work but our energy will be restored at night. With this card the problem lies elsewhere. The continuous churning of the mind over everything which keeps us awake is consuming all of our energy. Often the nine swords represent anxiety, grief, regret, guilt and other demons who might keep us awake at night and prevent us from moving forward in life. And here comes Uruz into play. Even in dire situations like this we have to lift up our head and face each and every demon that haunts us. Naming them is the first step, then follows acknowledgement of the fact we are haunted by them, And then the most difficult part is not to fight them, which only makes them stronger, but to befriend them, get to know them and  find out what keeps them here. and eventually we will be able to set them free which will most certainly boost our energy levels. This kind of work needs a courageous mind and spiritual warrior attitude.  Yes, it is tiring and there is nothing to show for when the day is done. But in the end we will sleep better for it.

Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Queen of Rods – I've got your back

Anna K Tarot Queen of Rods
Today’s card is the Queen of Rods from the Anna K Tarot.  She is the Sun incarnated. It is such a vibrant yellow card. This queen is self-confident and  self determined. She is all about making the most out of her life. Freedom to pursue her dreams and creativity is most important for her. Don’t cage her, don’t  hinder her, because then you will meet a whole other, not so pleasant part of her. Usually this queen is depicted with a cat so I tend to relate her to the goddess Freya or Bast. Both are fiery passionate solar goddesses.

As you might understand, I am thirsting for some passion and creativity in my life, which currently is still hard to find for me. So the encouragement of this card is very welcome today. I don’t  feel pushed or reprimanded by her. It feels more like she is coming to reassure me that she is still out there and that she hasn’t abandoned me.  It is almost as if she is saying: “He, it’s cool I've got your back. Don’t fret about anything. Just enjoy the first signs of Spring and try to soak up some sunshine today.”

Friday, February 10, 2017

Three of Pentacles and Ace of Wands – A gentle kick in the butt

As you all know, I haven’t been feeling so well lately. Also I have been considering to take a short hiatus from blogging and social media all together.  Some days it feels like I am just going through the motions and ticking of my daily boxes.  The last two days I have been pampering myself and it felt really good: listening to music, reading books, drinking coffee, nibbling on biscuits, taking long showers and so forth. But  even pampering gets boring, although I am still not there yet. So  I asked my cards for advice on where to go from here. 
The Three of Pentacles came up: Creativity shared with friends. No Hermit or Four of Swords, which are my go-to cards in a situation like this. The other card which came up was the Ace of Wands: A budding wand, filled with so much potential. But be careful not to nip all these juicy ideas in the bud. Choose one and cherish is like a new born child.  
So here I am again with another blog post thanks to my “cardboard therapist” and it actually feels good to write this; sharing how it is right now and not pretending to be something I am not. Feeling like this often fills me with shame and/or guilt, because how can I permit myself these feelings when so many live in much more dire circumstances than I do. But it is what it is and I know from experience I will get better, probable sooner than later, because I’ve learned to recognize the signs early on.
Feeling like this confronts me with difficult lesson in self love. It is so easy  to love and  embrace who we are when all is well and life is on the upside but this lesson is about the hardest part: loving ourselves when we are faced with parts of ourselves we don’t like at all and are often embarrassed about.
 “I will be gentle with myself and I will only go as fast as the slowest part of me feels safe to go” Karin Drucker